Journal Ideas

I just found this cool scripture journal idea that is going directly to my Christmas wish list. Thought I would share it here, just in case.

http://personalponderings.com

Go and check it out. You might fall in love pretty fast just like me.

Living the Dream: Meet the Finalists

My sweet Mom (Grandma Gail) sent in her dream to Good Morning America for their Living the Dream segment and she is one of the final four! Please watch the video and vote for my Mom--and then share this with others if you would like!! I would so love to see her get to live her dream. Thank you!!

life is good

Yep, still here. Looking for a job, still. But life is good. Really good. We have been taken care of. We are okay. And more full of perspective and gratitude than a year ago. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

blessed

I just wanted to say, the Lord does bless. Even when we probably don't deserve it. In the past month, blessings, small and large, have been around every corner. I have been on on my knees to beg for forgiveness for my lack of faith, my doubt, my frustration, even my anger. He cares. About the small things, the big things--it's just up to us to allow Him to comfort us and guide us. He's always willing. The question is, are we.

here we are

It's weird. The last time I posted on here, it was May. I had a totally different picture of how life would be the end of July. I knew Jon would have a job . . . . somewhere. At that point I didn't really even care where. I already felt like I had been patient long enough. That this "trial" (if it's worthy of being called that) would be over. That the blessings we had both received would be fulfilled. That our financial situation would look a bit brighter, perhaps a bit more secure at the very least.

Well, here we are. July 20. And no, there isn't any job on the horizon.

Let me interrupt and say I am 100% grateful Jon still has his teaching job. (Truly the only negative to that is that it doesn't pay enough. Hence grad school for 2 years, thousands more in student loans so we could get a bigger paycheck.) But I realize that in today's current state, we are blessed.

Still . . . . can I just say that there are times when it is hard--HARD--to count your blessings and allow those blessing to give you the happiness and comfort they should and can. I am impatient. I want to see the Lord's hand in my life today. Right now. I want the small details to fall into place--I want that long promised job to be here. Now.

It's not. And so we will wait. (since we really have no other option) I have hope, even belief, that there will come a day when I will look back on this time and get it. When understanding will finally come. When I will be able to see how the Lord's hand was there this entire time, leading us, guiding us, taking care of us. And that is what I can't wait for. Whenever He decides the time is right.

PS--should you desire to check out our family blog, email me at kmfrey2003@yahoo.com.

PPS--Baby #6, due in november is a girl. Possibly Katelyn Elizabeth. Pretty sweet in a big family sort of way. :-)

thinking

It's almost 3:00. Kiddos are coming home right now. They had Monday off from school and it was Monday night that I fully realized I am ready for summer. Not the intense heat, necessarily . . .this weather suits me just fine. No, but I am ready to have the kiddos home with me. I'm ready for the schedule to lax a bit, hoping to read some good books with them, and excited to see what adventures we might have.

Speaking of adventures . . . hubby has a job interview in Blanding Utah. That could be an adventure. Course he needs to get the job first. I'm trying not to count my chickens before they hatch. But seeing it's the only prospect he has right now, I might be jumping the gun a bit. Not sure how I feel about moving or about moving to Blanding, but a job is a job is a job . . . especially in this economy.

I want to learn how to garden. I am clueless when it comes to this area. Completely clueless. But I have decided I want to learn and I want to do it. When we figure out where we are going job wise, that is going to be the next thing I want to conquer. That and debt. And our lack of food storage. Might take me a while.

A friend I've had for ten years now came over to visit this morning. It amazes me we have known each other that long. Ten years have flown. The older I get, the more a year is just a blink. And when I know where my children will be in 10 years, I get a little sad. Not a lot sad cause I'm excited to see what life holds for them--just a little sad.

I'm craving a baby boy. Don't get me wrong, I love all of my baby girls, but it has been a long time since my little boys were baby boys. mmmmm . . . there is something about a baby boy. I teared up the other day thinking about them when they were little. How the time is flying by. A part of me longs to press pause and relive it all again--with the knowledge, patience, and other stuff I have accumulated along the way. (well, except maybe those extra pounds that may never completely go away. I could do without those I believe.) Yeah, being a mommy can be hard. But it is worth it in so many, many ways.

what i'm lovin'

The WEATHER!!!!! I am loving it with every fiber of my being. It makes me so happy.

The River Trail. I have lived here for going on 14 years and the first time I ever walked on this trail was in February when my sisters got me out there. I've ridden bikes on it plenty of times, but never walked it. It is so pretty. More so on foot when you have time to enjoy the surroundings. The views of the mountains are incredible. Love it.

My sisters. 2 of my 3 are here in the same town as me. How lucky is that?

Chocolate covered cinnamon bears. I really kind of like these things. Never had heard of them till I had one recently and now I'm very happy to have found these little treats.

This CD. Listening to it right now. It calms me and helps me feel the Spirit. Love it.

This video clip on YouTube. Love the music; love the message even more. It's beautiful.

My baby's kisses. Open mouthed, wet.

And her hugs. She leans her head into me to hug me. The sweetest thing.

The temple. So grateful for their proximity and for my testimony of their purpose in my own life.

This fabulous store. It makes me happy to shop there because I can get my produce so stinkin cheap there. And my Burt's Bees butt stuff is cheaper there than Target.

So, what are you lovin' today??

gracie

How is it that strangers can touch our lives in such deep, profound ways?

Meet Gracie.

She (and her family) touched my heart tonight.

I felt the Spirit. Cried a little. Read some more and cried a lot.

And thought about my blessings--stories like this do that. Help you to reflect on everything good and amazing in your own life.

I will be praying for Gracie's sweet family tonight. The words her Daddy wrote on the blog touched my heart so deep. And of course, her sweet mother. How does a mother do it? Her siblings . . . . .

I'm also going to hug each one of my children one more time before I go to sleep. Because I can. And that, in and of itself, is a huge blessing.

something new--leave a comment & pay it forward

I needed to put something new on here! I was tired of seeing my complaining confession as the top post.

So, I'm going to start this little cute idea on here.

This has been rampant amongst the blogs I frequent and I was lucky enough to win on 2 blogs--my sisters and my friends. I have been extremely slow in getting to this part of the idea--paying it forward. I was nervous about having to reward anyone until I realized I had one year to dish up the goods, so to speak.

Well . . . . here goes.

1. Be one of the first THREE bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me (yeah for handmade!).

2. If you are one of the first three to make a comment, you are a winner! And you then agree to post this challenge on your own blog, meaning that you will pay it forward, creating a handmade gift -anything!- for the first THREE bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!

3. The gift that you send to your 3 friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember it’s the spirit and the thought that count!

4. When you receive your gift, blog about it! If you are not one of the first three to comment on this post, you can still play along. Go ahead and start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same! It's all about paying it forward.

Enjoy!!!!!!!!

i was going to complain because

My hubby is gone. To Idaho. No, he hasn't gone there to see any sporting events or to gamble (can you gamble in Idaho?) or watch any races. No, he went to help his parents move. And I've been grouchy about it ever since he walked out that door.

Grad school (yes, the excuse must come here) has been hard. Okay, truth be told, hard may be pushing it. You see, my sister and I watched a movie about Emma Smith last night. Her life was hard. No, her life was harder than hard.

Let's try that again, grad school has been challenging.

I have been a single parent for a lot of it while Jon has juggled 2 jobs and school and a needy, sometimes naggy wife. We have grown. But one can not grow without trials and pain and challenges.

So needless to say, I didn't want him to go to Idaho to help his parents move even though I told him he could go. (like I could really tell him not to go--then I would be a truly crappy daughter-in-law to boot!) I wanted him home with me. I get selfish when it involves my time with him as it doesn't happen too often right now. And to top it all off, he called to tell me they wouldn't be home till tomorrow. (yes, "they" would include him and the 3 children he willingly took along. I know, I know, I'm a brat.)

But then, he calls and he tells me something else-something HUGE. Something that could make the next month and a half so nice!! And all of the sudden, I am overcome with both shame (for my grouchy, selfish attitude) and gratitude, because we are so blessed. All the time. We don't serve to be blessed necessarily, but for some reason the Lord does still bless us when we serve (even sometimes when we have a not so righteous attitude).

And that is why I was going to complain about my hubby being gone and now, I won't.

being a mommy

Can be so dang hard.

I want so much to protect them from hurt.

Of any kind.

Physical, emotional. All of it.

And I can't.

One of mine is hurting and I don't know how to help. I feel so helpless. And it hurts to feel helpless, especially when it comes to your child.

Growing up, different experiences shaped my self-image--my self-esteem. I allowed others to affect how I felt about ME--forgetting the one source I should have turned to for self-worth--my Father in Heaven. I wish I could go back and help me then know who I was--that I was loved by those who mattered the most. That the mean kids in school would eventually become a far distant memory. And I wanted to give my children the confidence they needed to be strong enough that those things would just bounce off of them, should they ever have to deal with them. Hopefully, they wouldn't. But if they did, I hoped they would always know who they are and be able to fall back on that simple truth.

So then I grew up, got married and had children of my very own. Children I love so deeply it can hurt. And you give birth and they are these amazing infants--perfect in every way--10 fingers, 10 toes, healthy, beautiful. When they are born, it's the basics that really matter. Not the clothes they wear, or the jokes they try to tell, or the goofy way they talk--and too soon they are rolly-polly little toddlers, toddling around, loving life. Falling down. Constantly. Getting back up. Constantly. And they have are 110% in love with their mommy (and maybe even daddy). Their adoration is complete. You are all that matter to them.

Yet in a blink of an eye they are five, in school and things change. Other people matter more. Till one day, they curl up in your arms and say, "Mommy, my life is hard." And you stop yourself from saying, "No honey your life is good" and instead you ask "Why?" And your heart skips a beat as your little baby you love so much--that child who's toes and fingers you nibbled on when they were little--tells you how other kids are mean. That some make your child feel invisible. That some call your child small or loser. And it hurts. Way deep inside. And you feel so helpless and you just want to shake all those kids and tell them that your child is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

But all you can do is pray.

Pray for your baby, pray for yourself that you will know what to do. And cry a little too, cause it hurts real bad when your baby hurts.

Which is one, big reason being a mommy is so dang hard.

change

Not sure where this post will lead today. Just needed to type and hear that clickety clack sound for a few minutes. Five to be precise. I must type non-stop for five minutes. Whatever comes to my brain--just random thoughts if that is all there is. I am seriously drawing a blank. We used to do this in a writing class I took--except they were 10 minute power writing sessions. I don't have 10 minutes today--I have used up all my computer time. I have to clean my room and wash the kitchen floor, take a shower, get dressed and be ready for Scouts by 4. I think I can do that. Isn't it amazing how fast a day is? A week too, really. Time keeps on going faster and I'm not sure I want that to happen. I love so much about my life right now. I am somewhat fearful of what is going to happen over the next few months--though change always ends up being a good thing--it's weird to have my thoughts of our future stop in June. If we move, it will be in June. So I don't think past that beautiful, summer month. Unless I have to (like with Cortney's upcoming Kindergarten registration)--then I just assume my life will continue on as it is right now. In my little, split-level home, with 2 dogs (one being my sister's), 3 cats (one being my other sister's), 5 children, my sister, my hubby, his job in PG, my wonderful friends, the amazing mountains I see from my window, baseball, T-ball, swimming lessons. We shall see, I guess, we shall see.

joy

Joy. The feeling is fantastic. What brings it is so varied. Years ago, our Relief Society president gave us a joy journal. We were supposed to write in it each day about the things that brought us joy that day. So what has brought me joy today . . .

the clouds
spring is closer than not
my children practicing piano
lunch with Jon
countdown chains
my family . . . each and every person I can count as family
dusty . . . our cute, lovable, furry, dog
the color pink
the number on the scale today . . . 2 more pounds to preChristmas weight . . . hehe
good music
dark chocolate M&M's--both the peanut and plain varieties-though I didn't have any today precisely--just a longing--like a long distance relationship right now
lydia's smile
jonathan's toothless grin
cortney's kisses
matthew's teasing
ally's love
jon.
the temple being so close--love seeing it as I drive around town
our home
my friends
our quiet neighborhood
reading with Cortney
her thank you at Burger King today
the smell in deseret book
the Valentine balloons at Wal-mart

What has brought you joy today? Thinking about it just may bring an extra smile to your face. love me.

just one thing

GO BYU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

choice

I don't really have anything to say today. I just wanted to type and get a new post on here.

So, what is on my mind today?

Choices.

My friend and I were walking one morning and we were talking about choices. Specifically as choice relates to spouses. She said she had a friend who had married one man and then always wondered what life would have been like if she had married her other choice. (the one on a mission) My dear friend told her, it doesn't really matter. She had made her choice and that was that. You then go forward with that choice, resolved to make it work. What would our world be like if more people just stay resolved to make their choice work. What if we just gave our all and continued trying instead of throwing in the towel and making another "choice".

I have made choices in my life, from my major, to my husband, to having children as fast and as many as we did. Are there times I could have questioned my choices? Yes. Life would have been so different had I made any of those choices differently. Do I regret any of them? No. I enjoyed my major. It was a highlight of my college experience. I will need to do more schooling to do anything with that major. But I enjoyed it and I am proud of my Bachelor's degree. I am grateful I can say to my children, I finished school. With a 10 month old baby. I did it. And so can you. Of course I don't regret my hubby choice. I just adore him. He completes me better than others could. Yes, marriage is a lot about going with the flow. Going with the one you marry. He isn't the only one I could have married nor the only one I could have been happy with. But I think I am best with and happiest married to him. Our children. I will not deny that there are days when it has been HARD. Hard to have them so close. Hard to have chosen children over a job while said hubby was still in school. But regret? Nope. I love our family. Just the way it is. I love where we are at. I love what we have learned. It's been fun. Crazy. Hard. And worth every sacrifice we have made.

So I guess, at the end of the day, my friend is right. We make a choice. And then we go with it. There is no point in looking back. I heard this quote in this movie the other night. Love it. Not exact--have to watch the movie again to perfect it, but there is the general idea.

The past is only history; the future is a mystery. All that matters in now and that is why they call it a present.

thinking on friday

A couple of things on my mind today.

Barack Obama is my President-elect. He will be my President. Though I did not vote for him, I will support him--as much as I can. I will pray for him. I will hope for him. And I will wait. Watch. And we will see. It will be okay. The people have spoken. And it gives me encouragement to see the transfer of power. There is much about the political process that bugs to no end. But it is relatively smooth still. And peaceful. I'm grateful for our great country. Watching this whole thing has renewed my love and devotion to my country.

Another thing on my mind. Is being offended a choice or a real emotion? I haven't decided. And so I don't judge those who either make that choice or feel that emotion. But in my own life, I have tried very, very hard to make the choice to not be offended by others. I have tried very, very hard to look at the person's heart. To look at them as a brother or sister in a spiritual sense. I get bugged, sure. But aren't we all just here, doing the best we can, trying the best we can? Do people really offend with the sole purpose to offend? I don't think so. I really don't. I do know that our Savior chose to never be offended. Even when provided with ample opportunity to feel offended, he chose the higher road. He still loved. I am not Him. I am not perfect. But I can try. And that is what I do. I love, I try, I pray, and I love some more.

afternoon showers

I took a shower at 3 PM today. Funny how the day just speeds by at warp speed. So fast I can't even take the half-hour for me to get clean until 3:00. And that was a good day. Yesterday, I didn't even see the other side of the shower curtain. I read a quote one time about how Helen Keller, Albert Einstein and some other amazing people only had 24 hours a day, just like me. I think it was supposed to be a motivating quote of sorts. Not so much. Though maybe I should find some consolation in the fact that the people on the list didn't have five children under the age of 9. Still, the majority of those five kiddos are not even home for the good majority of the day, so honestly is that really an excuse? The baby is nursing less. How can I get so little done each day? That question holds so much frustration for me. (and don't answer me by saying stay off the computer) Though that could be partly true. But all in all, I have spent a grand total of maybe 30 minutes on here today. So that isn't a huge chunk of time. Mothers of young children generally work hard. All day long. And the day comes to a close and there are still piles of laundry, clean and dirty, piles of toys, somewhere, kitty litters and dishes, homework pages and backpacks. I think I want a cut-off time. A time when I can sit down, sigh with relief and say, my job is done--for today. Alas, a mother's work never ends. Another quote. More inspiration. And so I close with a question, what time did you take a shower today?

Change of pace . . . politics

I just found the following story on my friends blog and found it to be rather interesting. I am not so sheltered or naive as to think that either party is perfect nor do I profess that all tenents of the Democratic platform and beliefs are wrong. However, there are basic and fundamental differences between my core beliefs and the Democratic party. And this is one of those differences.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words "redistribution of wealth."

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying. Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?' She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'

Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, 'That's a crazy idea, and how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!'

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to the Republican party.'

clouds and choices

This black cloud has been following me for two days now. Two days of blackness inside my soul. I want to chase it out with sunshine--I want to push it out. I should be able to, shouldn't I? I am surrounded my so many rays of sunshine, just trying to pierce my soul with their light. Is it because of the light I was fed on Sunday? I wanted to come home and write all about the spiritual feast that was mine that day. How fed and full I felt. From Sacrament to Relief Society, with Sunday School in between. I almost didn't go. Almost. But I did. And I was so glad I did. I was renewed. Anxious to face life again.

Monday and Tuesday were great. I chose strength. I chose happiness. Wednesday I faltered. Thursday I fell down. Hard. So today, Friday I am trying to get back up once again.

I had forgotten about Sunday by the time Wednesday rolled around. So now, as I try to recall what it was that fed me, my memory is quite clouded. It was Ward Conference. Oh yes, it's coming back now. Our Bishop spoke. I love to listen to him--it is reminiscent of EFY speakers for me. He spoke about finding the Savior in the scriptures. The insights he brought up, the thoughts on scriptures I have read but never fully comprehended was deep. Thought provoking. Our Stake President spoke as well. I don't remember his talk as much, though I do remember feeling quite satisfied when he sat down. In Sunday School we spoke about the Savior's visit with the Nephites. One thing that really struck a chord in me was when the Savior says, after seeing the Nephites' faith, that his joy was full. Our good teacher pointed out how much joy we, as imperfect, mortal beings feel when we see our own children's faith. When their spirituality is manifested in something they say or do. So imagine how much joy it gives our Father and our Savior, the perfect and spiritual beings they are, when we manifest our spirituality in the things we do. And it says it right there. His joy was full. We also brought up how the Lord had them come up "one by one"--He blessed them, one by one. Individually. It was pointed out how individual this Gospel is. How it is a one on one experience with the Lord. Case in point--the Sacrament; the Temple recommend interview; each priesthood ordinance we participate in--all on an individual level. Then in Relief Society we spoke of Joseph Smith and trials in this life. Our Stake President taught the lesson. It was really touching. I am sorry to say that a small part of my emotional energy is spent in worry. Worry about when the "big one" is going to hit. I feel that my life has been really, really good. My list of blessings includes a faithful, loving husband; five beautiful, healthy children; two parents who love me and who are still alive; four siblings who I love, am close to and who are still here with me as well; extended family; a home; running water; electricity; a car--actually, now, 2 cars again--yeah!!!; a healthy, strong body; many wonderful, wonderful friends. And my list could go on and on. It outweighs the trial list in my life by a long shot. I know of many who struggle with things that I can't fathom. I met a woman with two children at the park one day, we started talking--turns out she had two more children. Two older ones who a few years previous to our meeting had both died in a fire. I know of cancer, accidents, death--so many, many things that can afflict us. And so, I wait. It has to be my turn someday, right? When I can't find one of my children for a minute or two, I panic. To an extreme. Because my time has come, my child is gone, and I will now be one of those parents on the evening news, begging for the return of my little one. I will have been inducted into a club I have no desire to ever be a member of. My own mortality scares me the least. I worry for those I would leave behind. I would miss them desperately I think. But to be the one left. That is something that scares me. A lot. And then, I also wonder, would I be strong enough to turn to my Lord? To turn to the one source of comfort. And would I allow the Atonement to work it's magic? Would I choose to be faithful? I sure hope so.

And that brings me full circle, to today. Back to those black clouds I am letting cloud my hope and my vision. Do I have the strength to allow the rays of sunshine around me to pierce these black clouds? Will I choose faith over despair? Today, right now. In the face of this, my own personal trial. Small as it may be compared to the trials of some, it is still mine. And so I will face it. With as much strength as I can muster. And hopefully I can build up some much needed spiritual muscles while I am in the process.

Fourths

I got tagged. This one said to find the fourth folder, fourth picture. So I did. And here it is.



Say hello to my tomatoes. I took this picture the other night for a cooking blog my sisters and I have started. I was making BLTs. And these were the delicious tomatoes I used. Thank you Kari!! I love tomatoes. And I love BLTs.

So now I tag whoever wants to do this. It's fun and quirky and pretty quick as tags go.