afternoon showers

I took a shower at 3 PM today. Funny how the day just speeds by at warp speed. So fast I can't even take the half-hour for me to get clean until 3:00. And that was a good day. Yesterday, I didn't even see the other side of the shower curtain. I read a quote one time about how Helen Keller, Albert Einstein and some other amazing people only had 24 hours a day, just like me. I think it was supposed to be a motivating quote of sorts. Not so much. Though maybe I should find some consolation in the fact that the people on the list didn't have five children under the age of 9. Still, the majority of those five kiddos are not even home for the good majority of the day, so honestly is that really an excuse? The baby is nursing less. How can I get so little done each day? That question holds so much frustration for me. (and don't answer me by saying stay off the computer) Though that could be partly true. But all in all, I have spent a grand total of maybe 30 minutes on here today. So that isn't a huge chunk of time. Mothers of young children generally work hard. All day long. And the day comes to a close and there are still piles of laundry, clean and dirty, piles of toys, somewhere, kitty litters and dishes, homework pages and backpacks. I think I want a cut-off time. A time when I can sit down, sigh with relief and say, my job is done--for today. Alas, a mother's work never ends. Another quote. More inspiration. And so I close with a question, what time did you take a shower today?

Change of pace . . . politics

I just found the following story on my friends blog and found it to be rather interesting. I am not so sheltered or naive as to think that either party is perfect nor do I profess that all tenents of the Democratic platform and beliefs are wrong. However, there are basic and fundamental differences between my core beliefs and the Democratic party. And this is one of those differences.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words "redistribution of wealth."

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying. Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?' She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'

Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, 'That's a crazy idea, and how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!'

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to the Republican party.'

clouds and choices

This black cloud has been following me for two days now. Two days of blackness inside my soul. I want to chase it out with sunshine--I want to push it out. I should be able to, shouldn't I? I am surrounded my so many rays of sunshine, just trying to pierce my soul with their light. Is it because of the light I was fed on Sunday? I wanted to come home and write all about the spiritual feast that was mine that day. How fed and full I felt. From Sacrament to Relief Society, with Sunday School in between. I almost didn't go. Almost. But I did. And I was so glad I did. I was renewed. Anxious to face life again.

Monday and Tuesday were great. I chose strength. I chose happiness. Wednesday I faltered. Thursday I fell down. Hard. So today, Friday I am trying to get back up once again.

I had forgotten about Sunday by the time Wednesday rolled around. So now, as I try to recall what it was that fed me, my memory is quite clouded. It was Ward Conference. Oh yes, it's coming back now. Our Bishop spoke. I love to listen to him--it is reminiscent of EFY speakers for me. He spoke about finding the Savior in the scriptures. The insights he brought up, the thoughts on scriptures I have read but never fully comprehended was deep. Thought provoking. Our Stake President spoke as well. I don't remember his talk as much, though I do remember feeling quite satisfied when he sat down. In Sunday School we spoke about the Savior's visit with the Nephites. One thing that really struck a chord in me was when the Savior says, after seeing the Nephites' faith, that his joy was full. Our good teacher pointed out how much joy we, as imperfect, mortal beings feel when we see our own children's faith. When their spirituality is manifested in something they say or do. So imagine how much joy it gives our Father and our Savior, the perfect and spiritual beings they are, when we manifest our spirituality in the things we do. And it says it right there. His joy was full. We also brought up how the Lord had them come up "one by one"--He blessed them, one by one. Individually. It was pointed out how individual this Gospel is. How it is a one on one experience with the Lord. Case in point--the Sacrament; the Temple recommend interview; each priesthood ordinance we participate in--all on an individual level. Then in Relief Society we spoke of Joseph Smith and trials in this life. Our Stake President taught the lesson. It was really touching. I am sorry to say that a small part of my emotional energy is spent in worry. Worry about when the "big one" is going to hit. I feel that my life has been really, really good. My list of blessings includes a faithful, loving husband; five beautiful, healthy children; two parents who love me and who are still alive; four siblings who I love, am close to and who are still here with me as well; extended family; a home; running water; electricity; a car--actually, now, 2 cars again--yeah!!!; a healthy, strong body; many wonderful, wonderful friends. And my list could go on and on. It outweighs the trial list in my life by a long shot. I know of many who struggle with things that I can't fathom. I met a woman with two children at the park one day, we started talking--turns out she had two more children. Two older ones who a few years previous to our meeting had both died in a fire. I know of cancer, accidents, death--so many, many things that can afflict us. And so, I wait. It has to be my turn someday, right? When I can't find one of my children for a minute or two, I panic. To an extreme. Because my time has come, my child is gone, and I will now be one of those parents on the evening news, begging for the return of my little one. I will have been inducted into a club I have no desire to ever be a member of. My own mortality scares me the least. I worry for those I would leave behind. I would miss them desperately I think. But to be the one left. That is something that scares me. A lot. And then, I also wonder, would I be strong enough to turn to my Lord? To turn to the one source of comfort. And would I allow the Atonement to work it's magic? Would I choose to be faithful? I sure hope so.

And that brings me full circle, to today. Back to those black clouds I am letting cloud my hope and my vision. Do I have the strength to allow the rays of sunshine around me to pierce these black clouds? Will I choose faith over despair? Today, right now. In the face of this, my own personal trial. Small as it may be compared to the trials of some, it is still mine. And so I will face it. With as much strength as I can muster. And hopefully I can build up some much needed spiritual muscles while I am in the process.

Fourths

I got tagged. This one said to find the fourth folder, fourth picture. So I did. And here it is.



Say hello to my tomatoes. I took this picture the other night for a cooking blog my sisters and I have started. I was making BLTs. And these were the delicious tomatoes I used. Thank you Kari!! I love tomatoes. And I love BLTs.

So now I tag whoever wants to do this. It's fun and quirky and pretty quick as tags go.

who am i?

Take the Quiz here!

creating and compassion

So I was finally able to read President Uchtdorf's talk that he gave last Saturday evening to the women of the Church. After yesterday, it was music to my ears. It was relief. It was beautiful Why?? Because I created and showed compassion yesterday!! Very exciting. I was not perfect in my creating and compassion, nor complete. But it was there. It was a part of my day. So I am okay. I loved his words to us women. I love to hear him speak. He is one of my new "favs"--if it's okay to have them. His voice is so warm and comforting. He looks so classy up there--so real. I love him as my leader. I love him as an Apostle and servant of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He healed me from my yesterday and gave me hope for today. Thank you President Uchtdorf for listening to the Spirit. Thank you , Heavenly Father for hearing my prayer.

Strong Enough

That's what I want. I want to be the "rock" for my family I am supposed to be. And right now, today, I feel like a mushy piece of goop. Yeah, goop. Drippy, slimy and green. (to go with the green shirt I am sporting today) Today, I don't feel like I can do this anymore. My children are tired and grouchy; I am tired and grouchy; and my hubby is gone. The house is a MESS. Beyond a mess. There is no green carpet peeking through the layer of toys in the toy room. The laundry is mountainous and the kids room looks like . . . well, looks like a mess. The dog was neutered yesterday and is miserable--especially with his new accessory (the lovely lampshade). Dinner is ready (it's 7 pm) and it consists of a fried egg, a mini-popover, some canned peaches, and a glass of milk. Hmmmm . . . All I want to be is strong enough to get through these waning months of hubby's graduate school. A shout-out to all single parents out there. I seriously do not know how you do it.