Can be so dang hard.
I want so much to protect them from hurt.
Of any kind.
Physical, emotional. All of it.
And I can't.
One of mine is hurting and I don't know how to help. I feel so helpless. And it hurts to feel helpless, especially when it comes to your child.
Growing up, different experiences shaped my self-image--my self-esteem. I allowed others to affect how I felt about ME--forgetting the one source I should have turned to for self-worth--my Father in Heaven. I wish I could go back and help me then know who I was--that I was loved by those who mattered the most. That the mean kids in school would eventually become a far distant memory. And I wanted to give my children the confidence they needed to be strong enough that those things would just bounce off of them, should they ever have to deal with them. Hopefully, they wouldn't. But if they did, I hoped they would always know who they are and be able to fall back on that simple truth.
So then I grew up, got married and had children of my very own. Children I love so deeply it can hurt. And you give birth and they are these amazing infants--perfect in every way--10 fingers, 10 toes, healthy, beautiful. When they are born, it's the basics that really matter. Not the clothes they wear, or the jokes they try to tell, or the goofy way they talk--and too soon they are rolly-polly little toddlers, toddling around, loving life. Falling down. Constantly. Getting back up. Constantly. And they have are 110% in love with their mommy (and maybe even daddy). Their adoration is complete. You are all that matter to them.
Yet in a blink of an eye they are five, in school and things change. Other people matter more. Till one day, they curl up in your arms and say, "Mommy, my life is hard." And you stop yourself from saying, "No honey your life is good" and instead you ask "Why?" And your heart skips a beat as your little baby you love so much--that child who's toes and fingers you nibbled on when they were little--tells you how other kids are mean. That some make your child feel invisible. That some call your child small or loser. And it hurts. Way deep inside. And you feel so helpless and you just want to shake all those kids and tell them that your child is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.
But all you can do is pray.
Pray for your baby, pray for yourself that you will know what to do. And cry a little too, cause it hurts real bad when your baby hurts.
Which is one, big reason being a mommy is so dang hard.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
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4 comments:
Oh!Oh!Oh! Can we go through this together? This school year has been a roller coaster of the feelings you are describing. It's been so hard to send my little five year old off and have him come back home doubting his self worth. Seeing my children feel this kind of sadness that I know so well really seems unbearable. You would think that I could possibly be a bit more callus to these kind of situations seeing that I have a high school age child that's been through some of this but it doesn't seem to get any easier. It has helped so much to read your post and know I'm not alone in feeling my heart drop when I hear someone has hurt my childs feelings. One thing I've kept in mind is that they become stronger with each experience and with the help of caring loving parents that listen they learn and grow in amazing ways. My thoughts are going out to you!
yes. we should be together. emi has been crying after school..."my life is so bad" and she starts talking with words like "always" and "never" and "everything"...i've started holding her every day. not just unloading the car onto the table for homework. and i think it helps us both.
I've said this so many times...but here it is once more. Now that I'm a mother, I totally understand why people get crazy build bomb shelters and keep their kids away from the outside world. This is one reason why. I remember that. I remember feeling bad, and hearing you talk about you kids makes me cry and it's not even my own. What will I do?
Your kids are so blessed to have YOU! It's hard, but also neat how we grow with our kids when we strive to know what to do to help them out. What a life-long process this all is. Good thing we do have prayer and such good people like you in this world.
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