creating and compassion

So I was finally able to read President Uchtdorf's talk that he gave last Saturday evening to the women of the Church. After yesterday, it was music to my ears. It was relief. It was beautiful Why?? Because I created and showed compassion yesterday!! Very exciting. I was not perfect in my creating and compassion, nor complete. But it was there. It was a part of my day. So I am okay. I loved his words to us women. I love to hear him speak. He is one of my new "favs"--if it's okay to have them. His voice is so warm and comforting. He looks so classy up there--so real. I love him as my leader. I love him as an Apostle and servant of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He healed me from my yesterday and gave me hope for today. Thank you President Uchtdorf for listening to the Spirit. Thank you , Heavenly Father for hearing my prayer.

Strong Enough

That's what I want. I want to be the "rock" for my family I am supposed to be. And right now, today, I feel like a mushy piece of goop. Yeah, goop. Drippy, slimy and green. (to go with the green shirt I am sporting today) Today, I don't feel like I can do this anymore. My children are tired and grouchy; I am tired and grouchy; and my hubby is gone. The house is a MESS. Beyond a mess. There is no green carpet peeking through the layer of toys in the toy room. The laundry is mountainous and the kids room looks like . . . well, looks like a mess. The dog was neutered yesterday and is miserable--especially with his new accessory (the lovely lampshade). Dinner is ready (it's 7 pm) and it consists of a fried egg, a mini-popover, some canned peaches, and a glass of milk. Hmmmm . . . All I want to be is strong enough to get through these waning months of hubby's graduate school. A shout-out to all single parents out there. I seriously do not know how you do it.

happiness . . .

I am happy today. I am sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I got my butt out of bed at 5 AM and drove to the pool and swam laps for 25 minutes. Yeah, right--it has a lot to do with that. Other things that are making me happy at this moment in time--

Cortney's cute voice.
The blue sky.
John Mayer's song, "Say".
Church yesterday was so good. I was spiritually fed.
Lydia's seven month pictures on my blog.
Knowing what we are going to wear for family pictures on Saturday with my dear Amy.
The gorgeous full moon this morning as I was driving home from dropping Jon off at his car-pool spot.
My friend I introduced the Gospel to in High School has accepted a huge responsibility in his spiritual life. I'm proud of him.
Weighing in at 154 this morning.
The brownies I made yesterday were so yummy.
Jon and I went on a date this weekend.
Jon kissed me this morning.

Well, that's the end of the song. Love that song. Have a happy day!!

NieNie

It's been a little less than a month since I met Stephanie Nielson and her hubby, Christian. From what I can tell, they are incredible people who cherish the more important things in life--mainly family. And God. I have been deeply impacted by this woman and I have only met her electronically--through her blog. I have hesitated to share her story and my ensuing feelings on the subject. It's sad, heart wrenching really, why I know her, why I'm changed because I know her. Of course I guess I wish I didn't know her because if I didn't, then maybe none of it would have happened. She would still be in her world and me in mine. Going about life. Washing dishes, driving around, reading, blogging. I have pondered before about this blogging world I am a tiny part of. Just a small blip in the whole blogging experience, really. Stephanie was a bigger blip. Read regularly by many around the world. I had never heard about her until after her accident. I originally read about her on my friend's blog. And now, I have spent some time reading back through her blog. Reading about her life, who this woman was--no, who she is.

Beautiful.
Dark hair, freckles, an infectious smile. A sparkle in her eye. She takes care of herself. She is secure in herself. I am inspired to find more of me. To be proud of me. To be accepting of me.

Happy.
I want to be even happier than I am. I let go of my happiness sometimes. There are days that I wake up and a dark cloud is just hanging over me, not wanting to leave me alone. Blocking out the light. Blocking out some of my happiness. But I need to remember that clouds are above us only. And so many of my blessings, so much of my happiness is always looking up at me, through the beautiful eyes of my children. And the direct source of all happiness and light, my Savior, is best found by getting down on my knees, bowing my head, closing my eyes, in humble prayer.

Spiritual.
A link almost daily, if not daily, to general Conference reports can be found on her posts. I didn't get far enough to find an explanation. Perhaps the one she had read that day. I'm not sure. But it has inspired me to read those talks more.

In love.
Absolutely, irrevocably, head-over-heels in love with Mr. Nielson. Don't get me wrong. I am in love with my husband. I am. But sometimes, life takes over. We are busy. And I let that love slip and slide around at times. I worry too. I worry about sounding cheesy or something. And I shouldn't worry. She has inspired me to love him more. To express my love for him more. To be grateful for each day I have with him.

A mother.
Just like me. And so many, many, many of us. We are co-creators with God. Given the special blessing to create, grow, teach, and love these children of God. Is all peaches and cream? Is life always rosy and pink? No. Life can suck some of the time. There's so many things that can distract us and fill our lives with stress and worry. But when it's all said and done, we are mothers. In it for the long haul. And because of Stephanie, I want to be a better mother. No basket on my head, thank you very much!!

Healthy.
She is a vegetarian (not I-though I do try to work in 1-2 meatless meals each week.)She runs. And runs, and runs, and runs. I run. Sort of, kind of, maybe. Working on it. Need to some more. Like it when I'm doing it. It's just the anticipation of the pain that inhibits me most times. But you can tell she values her body, the amazing creation it is.

A sister and a daughter.
She loves her family so much. And they love her. I'm grateful to have seen a glimpse of their love. I love their big family.

Anyhow, that is some of my thoughts on Stephanie. She and Christian are in my prayers as often as I remember. I hope the constant prayer in my heart helps too. And I hope by sharing this here, that perhaps at least one more person will be touched by their story and find it in their hearts to offer up one more prayer in their behalf. According to NieNie's sister, they are all feeling the prayers of others being offered in their behalf. Let's keep that up.

Today . . .

I wanted to pause to remember today. September 11. It used to be just another day. Weird, huh. I guess that's how life is. You live life pre and post events.

Jonathan was asking questions in the car today about 9/11. I answered as best I could. Matthew said, "well, that's dumb. They died when the plane hit the buildings." (talking about the terrorists) How do you explain suicidal terrorists who hate America to kids? "Why do they hate Americans, Mommy?" I honestly don't know. Sure, some will quote theories on the big bad bully America-how it's our screwed up foreign policy that spurred on the bad guys. Yadayada. I don't buy that. It's Satan. He hates our country--he hates our freedom. Freedom is the thing he wanted to deny us--he didn't trust in the Father enough to want any of us, himself included, to have freedom to choose. So he is able to stir up anti-America sentiment since it's not a perfect world, not a perfect country.

I have a small ache inside when I remember this day, seven years ago. Confusion, anger, hurt, sadness, shock, disbelief, relief . . . what emotion didn't I feel that day? Perhaps happiness--yeah, it was closer to relief than happiness that my children and husband were with me. That no one I knew or loved was involved in 9-11. Selfish relief, I suppose. You know that feeling--phew, glad that's not my trial.

So, I wrote the following thoughts in a comment on my friend's blog

Thanks Amy for your thoughts today. I almost did forget . . . over the past week, the upcoming anniversary would pass through my thoughts--as it does every once in a while, all of the time. Seven years have passed. Jonathan was 2. Matthew was months old. Then this morning, in the rush to get everyone into the car and get Jon to Shop-Ko on time, I didn't even think about it--till we backed out of the driveway and saw the flags lining the street. I love that sight. I really do. I love those flags blowing softly in the breeze. Moving with the wind. Anyhow, eventually I got KSL turned on and they were broadcasting the ceremony at Ground Zero. The names, once again, being read. One by one. The woman reading the names at the time read her father's name. A firefighter. It was such a surreal day. I had nightmares about it for a while. We had been to NYC the summer of 2000 and didn't take the time to go up in the towers--just thought they would always be there. We would do it next time we made it out to NYC. I remember, like you, watching TV day after day, hour after hour. The continous news feed at the bottom of the screen. I also remember listening to the radio and you know those radio mixes they put on there with the people calling their loved ones or whatever mixed with song--I think then the song was Hero. I remember specifically driving up to BYU to pick up Jon from class, listening to that song, bawling like a baby. What else to say . . . such a time of reflection on all we have. All we are blessed with. A time to remember. A time to pray.

It's how I felt immediately after reading her post.

God bless America.

Tears and the Olympics

So did anyone else cry when they watched Michael Phelps' mom watch him win gold after gold--race after race. And when he won by that insane .01 of a second--come on, does that amount of time even exist?--just her complete shock and joy and raw emotion!! I know he's still her baby. Even with all those medals and cameras--he's her baby.

And then when that graceful Nastia won the gold all around--the tears were there again. I do have issues with the gymnastics and could do another blog on that . . .however. Beside the point. I cried. I'm a sap. Yep, a sappy boob--or some such thing. Perhaps this is getting too personal.

WOW

That is all I can say. We watched the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics in China tonight--amazing. Incredible. Words don't do it justice. I enjoyed it all and would watch it again. That doesn't necessarily happen with all opening ceremonies. The fireworks were incredible--all of it was. Spectacular. Absolutely spectacular. And the torch lighting--worth the 4 1/2 hours in and of itself. (these itty-bitty pictures so don't do it justice, but . . . .)